when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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