she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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