I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
