We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
