If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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