What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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