I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
