They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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