Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
