When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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