I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
