Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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