Pregnant stripper...not hot.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
