Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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