Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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