I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
