New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
