Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
