my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
