New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
