I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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