You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
