I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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