Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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