Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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