Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize