I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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