I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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