One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
