remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
