all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
