From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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