Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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