All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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