She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
