He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
