Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
