You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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