Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
