i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
barbara walters just said penis...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just gift wrapped bread.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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