I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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