booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
