So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
third nipple confirmed
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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