my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
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I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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