since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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