It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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