I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
