Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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