ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
