I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
