I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
