Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
