I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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