she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize