I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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