just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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