so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
