Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We had to coat check the pizza.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
