I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
