Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
