Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize