I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
