I need help removing her.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
