My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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