I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
