wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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