Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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