saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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