The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
