Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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