Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
