I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
