just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
